WOULD IT NOT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV TONIGHT
AND SEE G. W. BUSH GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH . . . . .
My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of
Since congress does not want to spend any
more money on this war, our mission in
This morning I gave the order for a
complete removal of all American forces from
This action will be complete within 30 days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list
contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to
Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends
from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try
I'm ordering the immediate severing of
diplomatic relations with
I have instructed the Mayor of New York
City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in
A special note to our neighbors.
It is time for
Some will accuse us of isolationism.
I answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in
It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
Thank you and good night.
"If you can read this, thank a teacher"
"If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier."